Monopoly: Trump Edition
Hasbeen Bros Newest Board Game
The board game manufacturer Hasbeen Bros announced today its newest iteration of the classic game:
MONOPOLY: TRUMP EDITION
Instead of the standard properties such as Boardwalk or Park Place, players can now acquire TRUMP Towers and TRUMP hotels around the world.
Even Nightmare-a-Lago.
Golf courses are available.
Ivana’s overgrown burial plot on Mediterranean Avenue Golf Course is the cheapest property on the new board game.
The objective of the game? Avoid divestment! Do not go directly to jail!
Each player begins with a tiny inheritance of $400,000,000 from every player’s ‘father’ — Fred Christ Trump, Sr.
(Not a joke. ’Twas his real name! Do look it up!)
The game introduces “Audit Cards,” which can be drawn at any moment, revealing gross financial discrepancies.
Draw too many Audit Cards and you are forced to start divesting properties.
Unique playing pieces include a miniature Wall with Pesos stamped all over it, an old-fashioned blue Twitter bird stamped with an X emerging from its — from its —
From its tail feathers, so to speak.
One playing piece resembles a puffy and swirling head of stiffly hairsprayed hair — which resembles a strawberry blond poop emoji.
Of course, there are playing pieces resembling the three eldest Trump children:
Ivana Junior — aka Ivanka
Donald Junior — aka the Guilfoyle foil
And Beavis Junior — sometimes referred to as —
Nevermind.
The Melania playing piece is missing from all games! An air of mystery!
Players can stave off divestment and financial ruin by drawing a Chance Card bearing ‘loans’ from such world luminaries as:
Vladimir (Ras) Putin
Kim Jong Un
Recep Erdogan
And best of all, a $2,000,000,000 (that’s billion with a B) loan from MBS — Mohammed bin Salman.
Funneled through a son-in-or-out-law.
Community Chest Cards have been replaced by District Attorney, Prosecuting Attorney, Attorney General Cards.
And Special Counsel Cards!
The game ends when all players are forced into divestment due to rampant fraud.
But wait! There’s more!
In an interesting and fun-filled twist, there is a GO DIRECTLY TO JAIL square at EVERY corner of the board, each with a severe photo of Jack Smith!
Hasbeen Bros spokesperson, Ima Jester — nickname, Ima Court Jester — had a few comments at today’s press conference to launch the company’s newest product:
“We wanted a game that reflected the times, and nothing does that better than a game without winners and losers. A game where everybody is a loser!”
He continued: “Monopoly: Trump Edition! Forget those Steaks! This is the ‘Goose is Cooked Edition!’
Aaron Allbright is the author of “THE LAND NEAR OZ: Two Gay Yankees Move to New Zealand”
Or buy the book on Amazon:
To buy “The Land Near Oz” on Amazon
His novel in five parts will be published on Substack.
Soon:
“IN A DESERT OR A CITY”
BOOK I
‘PRINCE CARTIER’ or HOW I LEARNED TO LOVE BEING GAY WITH MY SAUDI PRINCE AND TO START WORRYING
BOOK II
MONSIEUR LE PRINCE, PARIS
BOOK III
THE MYSTERIES OF PARIS
BOOK IV
TYROMANCY AND LUCIFER
BOOK V
WHY WAIT FOR THE LIGHT?
